News From Ill Bethisad in 2007

This just in! ...

News stories run from most recent to oldest.

All news stories are submitted by participants in Ill Bethisad, all of whom are welcome to submit stories from their respective parts of Ill Bethisad. Submissions may be edited for clarity, language or style.


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25-MAY-2007 -- BBC World News Service -- LEAGUE OF NATIONS FINDS IN CUBAS FAVOUR; SR LEAPS FROM FRYING PAN TO FIRE TO FURNACE

KINGSTON, JAMAICA -- The row last March over alleged civil rights violations in Cuba stemming all the way back to Cubas Florida-Caribbea days, reported by the IBAP on 26 March, has been resolved by the League of Nations Human Rights Council in favour of the Republic of Cuba. Juan Antonio Fernandez Palacios, Cubas embassador to the League, stated that Cubas lawbooks contain "no laws that promote the abuses the Vikings [sic] are accusing us of; and in fact those same abuses they accuse us of are national law up in the Scandinavian Realm!" Citing the SRs less than stellar human and civil rights record during the 2004 War in Florida, Leagues HRC declared "The SR are in no strong position to accuse the Cuban republic of rights violations." This satisfied the Cuban delegation who departed for La Habana thereafter, declining comment at this time but with cheshire cat grins one and all.

Fernandez Palacios did however offer one comment regarding the bold accusation of post tampering at the SR embassy: "If the Vikings could learn to add water to their antiquated envelope sealing maquinas, then, the Senyores Nordicos would not have to worry about their correos slipping away! Is it the fault of the street sweepers in La Habana that they have followed behind the van of correos one day and the posts were slipping out the back door? Is it the fault of those same street sweepers that they picked up the papers and gave them to la guardia? Is it the fault of la guardia that they upheld their duties in citing the Nordes embassy 40 escudoes for littering? Is it the fault of anyone that those papers were accepted by an interested member of the Cortes who read in there a, what is it called?, ah, a "memo" that said, in parte, "...This will be as good a pretext to avenge C.A. as will appear in the near future. The "aggrieved action" before the LON will be advantageous regardless, should the next move be engaged..." It is signed by this ambassador, ah, Carlos Bilt. This is very interesting, is it not?"

Without a doubt, the Scandinavian Realm have found themselves in water warmer than the sunny Caribbean on a summers day, as C.A. clearly refers to the atomic wasteland of Charlotte Amalie. We shall all await to see how our friends in the SR talk themselves out of this one, for, without a doubt there were many, many more interesting memos found in the gutters of Calle de Columbo. [PB]


13-MAY-2007 -- Telefisiwn Comroig Entertainment News! -- LAST NIGHTS EUROVIDERE CONTEST A HIT SUCCESS [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Yes, it's that time of the year, when we vote for the Irish, the Saesons vote for us, Germany and Scandinavia vote for each other and nobody votes for Bulgaria. Nevertheless, it's the time that Britain realises that

Last night's Eurovidere song contest went like a hit success! Although there were concerns that Slevania might not have asuitable venue, with London Television preparing to step in at the last moment if necessary. However slevania, who was last year's controversial winner, entered smoothly hosting at National Republic Hall in Kasovlja, Slevania's capital. New entrants Serbia have come tip-top, with Marija Šerifović's song, Molitva at 268 points. The song, which appealed to all of Europe equally

Kemr, however, came close second with 259 points - a gap of only 9 points, with a Dumnonian folk ballad re-written to fit in with modern music by country group "Llo Wirsel" from Glastein.

Meanwhile, Ireland avoided coming last by just beating England's "I want to know the way", a Jazz compilation by American group Sudo.

You can buy the CMD of this year's contest for 4/- in good record shops, including Feriat, and it'll be out soon on VD for just 9/6. [END TRANSCRIPT][QS]


07-APR-2007 -- AFPI -- SEARCH ON FOR MISSING FRENCH DIVERS

SANTORINI, Greece -- Divers continue their search for missing Jean-Christophe and Maud Allain, from Doue-la-Fontaine in western France amid the sunken Xliponian ship, Sea Diamond in the Agean Sea. As of yet there is no news of progress in the search. This has been seen as a terrible blow for the Xliponian sea-going tourist trade.[DH]


27-MAR-2007 -- Osservatore di Firenze (Observer of Florence) -- Italy Announces Intent to Reach Space

FLORENCE -- At noon today, Italys Queen Luisa II announced to the press that her government intended to hold a summit in Milano to discuss the idea of joining the Euro-consortiums space program. Italian envoys have been in contact with the Euro-consortium, which seems willing to at least consider the move. Luisa II has been pushing Italy towards joining such a program since the Holy Roman Empires successful satellite launch in 2002, but this has been a major breakthrough for her government.

Delegates from each of Italys member states will meet in Milano over the coming few weeks to discuss the idea, and the Queens government has optomistically stated that they expect a decision to be made by the first week of April.

The Senate has approved the move by a good margin. This further show of support will probably speed up the summits decision.

As the national summit occurs in Milano, the Italian government is sending officials to meet with the Euro-consortium to discuss this bid as a probability, not just a possibility. Minister of Science and Technology Emanuele dei Angeli stated that Italy should be optomistic, and that while the Euro-consortium had seemed divided, he believed that this offer would ultimately be accepted."[ITAL]


26-MAR-2007 -- IBAP -- TENSIONS MOUNT IN CARIBBEAN

KINGSTON, JAMAICA -- Cuba and the Scandinavian Realm have become embroiled in a diplomatic row as the Scandinavians call into questions Cuba's human rights record. Ambassador Karl Bildt has questioned Cuba's human rights suggesting that as a "daughter-state" of Florida-Caribbea that some form of redress is owed them for the nuclear attack on Charlotte-Amalie in the Cruzans.

Yesterday Cuba responded to Bildt's comments at the League of Nations by deriding what it called Sweden and Scandinavia's imperial past. Mr Bildt hit back describing Havana's response as "a desperate attack by a desperate regime". He also told the IBAP that diplomatic mail at the Scandinavian embassy in Havana was being tampered with.

"Whether it is linked to this [row] we don't know, but it happened at roughly the same time," he told the Europe Today programme.

The row dates back to 12 March, when Mr Bildt gave a speech before the LoN Human Rights Council in which he accused Cuba and other former Floridian countries of violating human rights.

"Cuba, unlike the Scandinavian Union, does not persecute migrants or carry out ethnic cleansing that only allows those whose skin and hair colour fit with the racial patterns of former Viking conquerors to remain in the country," said Juan Antonio Fernandez Palacios, Cuban delegate to the League of Nations. Mr. Palacios, went on to accuse Bildt and the Scandinavian Union of hypocrisy.

He said Mr Bildt's comments recalled "the not-so-glorious days of Swedish and Scandinavian imperialism, which filled with blood and pain their neighbouring countries".

Mr Bildt, who said he was taken aback by the Cuban reaction, said he had "pointed out a fact that was well known to everyone: that they don't respect human rights in Cuba".

"The Viking days are gone," Bildt said, rejecting the Cuban accusations. "We are one of the most open countries in Europe and the world in terms of immigration," he added.[DH]


22-MAR-2007 -- IBAP -- DEVOUT VILLAGERS DEFY VILLAINOUS EDICT

MOSCOW -- A hundred residents of a Russian village have flatly refused to comply with the newly declared passport laws of Russia. Unlike other groups, this is not done in defiance of the current regime, but rather the belief that the documents' bar codes are filled with satanic symbols, the state news network reported.

"We believe these new passports are sinful," Valentina Yepifanova, an elderly resident of the village Bogolyubovo, said as she clutched an old, tattered passport she said she wanted to keep. "Our patron saint, Sankt-Porfiri warned us of the evils that would come...this is one of them, and I will not allow the devil into my home. They have these bar codes and people say they contain three sixes. We are against that."

Some residents of Bogolyubovo, which means "God-loving" in Russian, have also stopped collecting their pensions at the local post office because the payment slips also have bar codes that might contain the mark of the devil. Bogolyubovo became a focus of interest during the reign of former premier Porfiri Bogolyubov, and has since been a site for pilgrimages, as it is rumored that his bones are buried within the city limits.[DH]


16-FEB-2007 -- National News Corporation -- New Coalition Government Formed in NAL-SLC - WHIG/LOYALIST COALITION TAKES OFFICE

Philadelphia -- Weeks of negotiation ended with a new coalition in Parliament this week. Although many predicted the wounded Progressive Conservatives would swallow their pride and form an administration with Albert Gore's Whigs, new leader Stephen Harper (Les Plaines) ultimately refused to back down from demands unacceptable to the NeoLeft. As a result, the Oblong Office announced the three leaders of the new Covenant Loyalist Party would be joining Gore¡¯s cabinet. Senators Howard Provo (Jacobia) and Diane Rodham (Illinoise) will be Ministers of Justice and Health respectively, while Deputy Eugene Levi (Ontario) has accepted the post Secretary of State for Internal Affairs. Deputy Ion Edwards (Carolina) has shifted over to Foreign Affairs, replacing Senator Josette Biden (Kent). This last is seen as an explicit sign that Gore intends for Edwards to succeed him in 2010 to the General Moderator-ship rather than Biden, who has openly said she intends to seek that office. On the other hand, Rodham¡¯s take-over of Health is a fairly clear indication that Gore¡¯s (and Edwards¡¯) vaunted UNICOV program is to be abandoned in favor of something akin to the CL¡¯s National Health Service proposal.

The new administration now has a solid majority in both Houses of Parliament.

Harper, the new Opposition Leader, is seen to have cemented his position in the Progressive Conservatives following the blows of the Watergap Scandal, the 2006 General Election results and the sudden death of Senator O¡¯Kinneide (Massachusetts Bay) by holding fast to the party faithful in terms of ideology. To many PCs, sharing power with Gore and his NeoLeft allies is anathema. He has promised a rebirth of the party and its ideals. Apart from party Leader, he is also the Opposition Whip of the Senate. Deputy Franklin Dibb (Ouisconsin) has been elected Opposition Whip in the House.

Some commentators question Edwards¡¯ qualifications as Foreign Secretary, given his limited experience in the area and even his relatively few trips abroad. On the other hand, Edwards does speak Spanish and has visited Florida as well as Jamaica. This might herald a shifting emphasis in Foreign Affairs from Biden, who not only has traveled to Louisianne over fifty times but speaks fluent French. Three League-wide editorials have also noted that Biden, unlike Edwards, is a member of the American Leadership Conference. The ALS has become a target of conspiracy theories regarding the double assassination of First President Jean Francois Young and Japanese Mikado XXXX last year.

No such reservations have been expressed over Provo, Rodham or Levi, who are generally acknowledged as qualified for their respective posts. Provo, while not an attorney himself, has a long history of working closely with legal experts as well as law enforcement officials when Lord Governor of Jacobia. Rodham is an acknowledged expert on Heath Care and social services, even having served as deputy Chair of the Senate Committee on Medical Affairs. Levi, the first person of Jewish extraction to hold this post, has worked closely with Native Tribal Leaders his entire career both in Ontario and Philadelphia. He is a close personal friend of the Cherokee Ouda and has traveled extensively in the Unincorporated Territories.

The new cabinet is the latest in a series of political shake-ups that have rocked the North American League over the past two years, and to some extent as far back as the 2000 election, the most disputed such since 1876. At that time the Progressive Conservatives deadlocked and ultimately offered no official candidate for Octagon House. Despite this, the vote in many ridings proved extremely close and prompted interventions by the Courts. Gore¡¯s tenure, widely expected to be relatively stable following the rancor and animosity of the Clinton years, has proven at least as tumultuous.[DZ]


12-JAN-2007 -- BBC World News Service -- Ouaren Gough Apprehended

In a raid at El Complexo Industrial de Las Vegas, Ouaren Gough and his band of traitors were apprehended by Californio forces. A few escaped toward San Jorge de La Virgen , but were followed and apprehended by both Louisiannan Air Force men and Californio militiamen who recently formed to round up FLDS members working subversively in the Las Vegas area.

Surprisingly, all members have been apprehended, and have been shipped with high security to San Diego to await trial. Gough is quoted as saying "The FLDS is ordained by God. We will be victorious, and we will bring Alta California to its knees. We have many more supporters than you know. Deseret shall rise up against Alta California, it is God's will!"

Speculation about the outcome of the trial is that Gough will indeed by executed for his treason against Alta California. His supporters in Louisianne appear to be few and far between. A poll conducted in the Lago Grande area suggest that an overwhelming 80% of people polled support execution.

"His followers would have murdered my husband and sons, and would have brought me and my daughters into slavery had we not been away visiting my mother in Los Arroyos. I want to see him swing for the terror and bloodshed he and his followers brought to Lago Grande." said Teresa San Fermín.

Californio officials refuse to give a trial date, but it is assumed that it will happen within two weeks. Most analysts agree that Gough will be executed, but they have not ruled out the possibility that he and his followers will be sent to a maximum security prison somewhere in Alta California, and segregated from contact with each other. There is a wide rumor that a prison is being built especially for Gough and his followers on La Isla de Santa Barbara offshore from Alta California. If such rumors are true, it would make escape nearly impossible due to the frigidity of the waters, swift currents and remoteness of the island.[BG]


09-JAN-2007 -- The Globe of Boston -- O'Kinneide Dead! - The Grand Old Man of the P-C Dead at 86

Boston -- Senator John Robert O'Kinneide, three-time candidate for the General Moderatorship and current Progressive Conservative Whip in Parliament was declared dead of a heart attack at approximately 11:45pm on Monday, January 8, declared a family spokesman. The Massachussets Bay politico--whose brothers included a General Moderator and a winner of the Parliamentary Medal of Honor--had held the same seat as his father since 1974. Although his increasingly frail health had been a matter of speculation for years, this was his first known heart attack.

O'Kinneide's passing comes at a difficult time for the Progressive Conservatives. He was in the midst of three-way negotiations to form a coaltion government with GM Gore's ruling Whigs, and facing rebellion in the ranks from those who regarded such a move as unacceptable. At the same time, the PCs have been devastated by the Watergap Scandal and the splintering which recently created the Covenant Loyalist Party.

Steven Harper (MP, Les Plaines) is the Deputy Whip of the Progressive Conservatives and will immediately take over his duties as Whip.

Lord Governor Matthias Romney will appoint a new Senator to fill out what remains of O'Kinneide's term, due to expire in 2010.[DZ]


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