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25-MAY-2007 -- BBC World News Service -- LEAGUE OF NATIONS FINDS IN CUBAS FAVOUR; SR LEAPS FROM FRYING PAN TO FIRE TO FURNACE
KINGSTON, JAMAICA -- The row last March over alleged civil rights violations in Cuba stemming all the way back to Cubas Florida-Caribbea days, reported by the IBAP on 26 March, has been resolved by the League of Nations Human Rights Council in favour of the Republic of Cuba. Juan Antonio Fernandez Palacios, Cubas embassador to the League, stated that Cubas lawbooks contain "no laws that promote the abuses the Vikings [sic] are accusing us of; and in fact those same abuses they accuse us of are national law up in the Scandinavian Realm!" Citing the SRs less than stellar human and civil rights record during the 2004 War in Florida, Leagues HRC declared "The SR are in no strong position to accuse the Cuban republic of rights violations." This satisfied the Cuban delegation who departed for La Habana thereafter, declining comment at this time but with cheshire cat grins one and all.
Fernandez Palacios did however offer one comment regarding the bold accusation of post tampering at the SR embassy: "If the Vikings could learn to add water to their antiquated envelope sealing maquinas, then, the Senyores Nordicos would not have to worry about their correos slipping away! Is it the fault of the street sweepers in La Habana that they have followed behind the van of correos one day and the posts were slipping out the back door? Is it the fault of those same street sweepers that they picked up the papers and gave them to la guardia? Is it the fault of la guardia that they upheld their duties in citing the Nordes embassy 40 escudoes for littering? Is it the fault of anyone that those papers were accepted by an interested member of the Cortes who read in there a, what is it called?, ah, a "memo" that said, in parte, "...This will be as good a pretext to avenge C.A. as will appear in the near future. The "aggrieved action" before the LON will be advantageous regardless, should the next move be engaged..." It is signed by this ambassador, ah, Carlos Bilt. This is very interesting, is it not?"
Without a doubt, the Scandinavian Realm have found themselves in water warmer than the sunny Caribbean on a summers day, as C.A. clearly refers to the atomic wasteland of Charlotte Amalie. We shall all await to see how our friends in the SR talk themselves out of this one, for, without a doubt there were many, many more interesting memos found in the gutters of Calle de Columbo. [PB]
13-MAY-2007 -- Telefisiwn Comroig Entertainment News! -- LAST NIGHTS EUROVIDERE CONTEST A HIT SUCCESS
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
Yes, it's that time of the year, when we vote for the Irish, the
Saesons vote for us,
Germany and Scandinavia vote for each other and nobody votes for Bulgaria.
Nevertheless, it's the time that Britain realises that
Last night's Eurovidere song contest went like a hit success! Although
there were
concerns that Slevania might not have asuitable venue, with London
Television
preparing to step in at the last moment if necessary. However
slevania, who was
last year's controversial winner, entered smoothly hosting at National
Republic Hall
in Kasovlja, Slevania's capital. New entrants Serbia have come
tip-top, with Marija
Šerifović's song, Molitva at 268 points. The song, which appealed to
all of Europe
equally
Kemr, however, came close second with 259 points - a gap of only 9
points, with a
Dumnonian folk ballad re-written to fit in with modern music by
country group "Llo
Wirsel" from Glastein.
Meanwhile, Ireland avoided coming last by just beating England's "I
want to know the
way", a Jazz compilation by American group Sudo.
You can buy the CMD of this year's contest for 4/- in good record
shops, including
Feriat, and it'll be out soon on VD for just 9/6.
[END TRANSCRIPT][QS]
07-APR-2007 -- AFPI -- SEARCH ON FOR MISSING FRENCH DIVERS
SANTORINI, Greece -- Divers continue their search for missing Jean-Christophe and Maud Allain, from Doue-la-Fontaine in western France amid the sunken Xliponian ship, Sea Diamond in the Agean Sea. As of yet there is no
news of progress in the search. This has been seen as a terrible blow for the Xliponian sea-going tourist trade.[DH]
27-MAR-2007 -- Osservatore di Firenze (Observer of Florence) -- Italy Announces Intent to Reach Space
FLORENCE -- At noon today, Italys Queen Luisa II announced to the press that her government intended to hold a summit in Milano to discuss the idea of joining
the Euro-consortiums space program. Italian envoys have been in
contact with the Euro-consortium, which seems willing to at least
consider the move. Luisa II has been pushing Italy towards joining
such a program since the Holy Roman Empires successful satellite
launch in 2002, but this has been a major breakthrough for her government.
Delegates from each of Italys member states will meet in Milano over
the coming few weeks to discuss the idea, and the Queens government
has optomistically stated that they expect a decision to be made by
the first week of April.
The Senate has approved the move by a good margin. This further show of support will probably speed up the summits decision.
As the national summit occurs in Milano, the Italian government is
sending officials to meet with the Euro-consortium to discuss this bid
as a probability, not just a possibility. Minister of Science and
Technology Emanuele dei Angeli stated that Italy should be optomistic,
and that while the Euro-consortium had seemed divided, he believed
that this offer would ultimately be accepted."[ITAL]
26-MAR-2007 -- IBAP -- TENSIONS MOUNT IN CARIBBEAN
KINGSTON, JAMAICA -- Cuba and the Scandinavian Realm have become embroiled in a diplomatic
row as the Scandinavians call into questions Cuba's human rights
record. Ambassador Karl Bildt has questioned Cuba's human rights
suggesting that as a "daughter-state" of Florida-Caribbea that some
form of redress is owed them for the nuclear attack on
Charlotte-Amalie in the Cruzans.
Yesterday Cuba responded to Bildt's comments at the League of Nations
by deriding what it called Sweden and Scandinavia's imperial past. Mr
Bildt hit back describing Havana's response as "a desperate attack by
a desperate regime". He also told the IBAP that diplomatic mail at
the Scandinavian embassy in Havana was being tampered with.
"Whether it is linked to this [row] we don't know, but it happened at
roughly the same time," he told the Europe Today programme.
The row dates back to 12 March, when Mr Bildt gave a speech before the
LoN Human Rights Council in which he accused Cuba and other former
Floridian countries of violating human rights.
"Cuba, unlike the Scandinavian Union, does not persecute migrants or
carry out ethnic cleansing that only allows those whose skin and hair
colour fit with the racial patterns of former Viking conquerors to
remain in the country," said Juan Antonio Fernandez Palacios, Cuban
delegate to the League of Nations. Mr. Palacios, went on to accuse
Bildt and the Scandinavian Union of hypocrisy.
He said Mr Bildt's comments recalled "the not-so-glorious days of
Swedish and Scandinavian imperialism, which filled with blood and pain
their neighbouring countries".
Mr Bildt, who said he was taken aback by the Cuban reaction, said he
had "pointed out a fact that was well known to everyone: that they
don't respect human rights in Cuba".
"The Viking days are gone," Bildt said, rejecting the Cuban accusations. "We are one of the most open countries in Europe and the world in
terms of immigration," he added.[DH]
22-MAR-2007 -- IBAP -- DEVOUT VILLAGERS DEFY VILLAINOUS EDICT
MOSCOW -- A hundred residents of a Russian village have flatly
refused to comply with the newly declared passport laws of Russia.
Unlike other groups, this is not done in defiance of the current
regime, but rather the belief that the documents' bar codes are filled
with satanic symbols, the state news network reported.
"We believe these new passports are sinful," Valentina Yepifanova, an
elderly resident of the village Bogolyubovo, said as she clutched an
old, tattered passport she said she wanted to keep. "Our patron
saint, Sankt-Porfiri warned us of the evils that would come...this is
one of them, and I will not allow the devil into my home. They have
these bar codes and people say they contain three sixes. We are
against that."
Some residents of Bogolyubovo, which means "God-loving" in Russian,
have also stopped collecting their pensions at the local post office
because the payment slips also have bar codes that might contain the
mark of the devil. Bogolyubovo became a focus of interest during the
reign of former premier Porfiri Bogolyubov, and has since been a site
for pilgrimages, as it is rumored that his bones are buried within the
city limits.[DH]
16-FEB-2007 -- National News Corporation -- New Coalition Government Formed in NAL-SLC - WHIG/LOYALIST COALITION TAKES OFFICE
Philadelphia -- Weeks of negotiation ended with a new coalition
in Parliament
this week. Although many predicted the wounded Progressive
Conservatives
would swallow their pride and form an administration with Albert
Gore's
Whigs, new leader Stephen Harper (Les Plaines) ultimately
refused to back
down from demands unacceptable to the NeoLeft. As a result, the
Oblong
Office announced the three leaders of the new Covenant Loyalist
Party would
be joining Gore¡¯s cabinet. Senators Howard Provo (Jacobia)
and Diane
Rodham (Illinoise) will be Ministers of Justice and Health
respectively, while
Deputy Eugene Levi (Ontario) has accepted the post Secretary of
State for
Internal Affairs. Deputy Ion Edwards (Carolina) has shifted
over to Foreign
Affairs, replacing Senator Josette Biden (Kent). This last is
seen as an
explicit sign that Gore intends for Edwards to succeed him in
2010 to the
General Moderator-ship rather than Biden, who has openly said
she intends to
seek that office. On the other hand, Rodham¡¯s take-over of
Health is a fairly
clear indication that Gore¡¯s (and Edwards¡¯) vaunted UNICOV
program is to
be abandoned in favor of something akin to the CL¡¯s National
Health Service
proposal.
The new administration now has a solid majority in both Houses
of Parliament.
Harper, the new Opposition Leader, is seen to have cemented his
position in
the Progressive Conservatives following the blows of the
Watergap Scandal,
the 2006 General Election results and the sudden death of
Senator O¡¯Kinneide
(Massachusetts Bay) by holding fast to the party faithful in
terms of ideology.
To many PCs, sharing power with Gore and his NeoLeft allies is
anathema.
He has promised a rebirth of the party and its ideals. Apart
from party
Leader, he is also the Opposition Whip of the Senate. Deputy
Franklin Dibb
(Ouisconsin) has been elected Opposition Whip in the House.
Some commentators question Edwards¡¯ qualifications as Foreign
Secretary,
given his limited experience in the area and even his relatively
few trips
abroad. On the other hand, Edwards does speak Spanish and has
visited
Florida as well as Jamaica. This might herald a shifting
emphasis in Foreign
Affairs from Biden, who not only has traveled to Louisianne over
fifty times but
speaks fluent French. Three League-wide editorials have also
noted that
Biden, unlike Edwards, is a member of the American Leadership
Conference.
The ALS has become a target of conspiracy theories regarding the
double
assassination of First President Jean Francois Young and
Japanese Mikado
XXXX last year.
No such reservations have been expressed over Provo, Rodham or
Levi, who
are generally acknowledged as qualified for their respective
posts. Provo,
while not an attorney himself, has a long history of working
closely with legal
experts as well as law enforcement officials when Lord Governor
of Jacobia.
Rodham is an acknowledged expert on Heath Care and social
services, even
having served as deputy Chair of the Senate Committee on Medical
Affairs.
Levi, the first person of Jewish extraction to hold this post,
has worked
closely with Native Tribal Leaders his entire career both in
Ontario and
Philadelphia. He is a close personal friend of the Cherokee
Ouda and has
traveled extensively in the Unincorporated Territories.
The new cabinet is the latest in a series of political shake-ups
that have
rocked the North American League over the past two years, and to
some
extent as far back as the 2000 election, the most disputed such
since 1876.
At that time the Progressive Conservatives deadlocked and
ultimately offered
no official candidate for Octagon House. Despite this, the vote
in many ridings
proved extremely close and prompted interventions by the Courts.
Gore¡¯s
tenure, widely expected to be relatively stable following the
rancor and
animosity of the Clinton years, has proven at least as
tumultuous.[DZ]
12-JAN-2007 -- BBC World News Service -- Ouaren Gough Apprehended
In a raid at El Complexo Industrial de Las Vegas, Ouaren Gough
and his
band of traitors were apprehended by Californio forces. A few
escaped
toward San Jorge de La Virgen , but were followed and
apprehended by
both Louisiannan Air Force men and Californio militiamen who
recently
formed to round up FLDS members working subversively in the Las
Vegas
area.
Surprisingly, all members have been apprehended, and have been
shipped
with high security to San Diego to await trial. Gough is quoted
as
saying "The FLDS is ordained by God. We will be victorious, and
we
will bring Alta California to its knees. We have many more
supporters
than you know. Deseret shall rise up against Alta California, it
is God's will!"
Speculation about the outcome of the trial is that Gough will
indeed
by executed for his treason against Alta California. His
supporters in
Louisianne appear to be few and far between. A poll conducted in
the
Lago Grande area suggest that an overwhelming 80% of people
polled
support execution.
"His followers would have murdered my husband and sons, and
would have
brought me and my daughters into slavery had we not been away
visiting
my mother in Los Arroyos. I want to see him swing for the terror
and
bloodshed he and his followers brought to Lago Grande." said
Teresa
San Fermín.
Californio officials refuse to give a trial date, but it is
assumed
that it will happen within two weeks. Most analysts agree that
Gough
will be executed, but they have not ruled out the possibility
that he
and his followers will be sent to a maximum security prison
somewhere
in Alta California, and segregated from contact with each other.
There
is a wide rumor that a prison is being built especially for
Gough and
his followers on La Isla de Santa Barbara offshore from Alta
California. If such rumors are true, it would make escape nearly
impossible due to the frigidity of the waters, swift currents
and remoteness of the island.[BG]
