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TRANSDIMENSIONAL NEWS AGENCY -- 1.JAN.2010 -- NEWS DESK TO CLOSE
EREHWON -- After a stint of nearly three centuries of interdimensional transmission of Ill Bethisad related news items via this portal, the Lords of the Instrumentality have determined that this venue will be closed as of today in favour of the more open and accessible IB-Wiki News Bureau. Reasons cited range from the rise in transmission costs, now in excess of fourteen squillion Mazarpanian oorts per, to the increasingly sluggish rate of transmission and archiving. Recent inspections of the Transdim 4000 conduit that TNA relies upon for this venue reveal a nearly 95% blockage by yellow bellied news roaches. TNA IT wizards note that so complete a blockage is not repairable, and in fact if a repair is attempted, a rip in the fabric of space-time could result in a hemorrhage of universes into the Void.
Said Vartam Zmärtärse of the TNA IT Department: "Frankly, I'm surprised this old conduit hasn't exploded already, blowing zillions of sticky yellow bellied news roaches all over half a dozen neighbouring universes. We plan on capping both ends. That should prevent any residual news leaks at either end, plus should trap all the roaches inside." When questioned about the Lords' reasoning, Zmärtärse said: "Well, the News Bureau's Transdim 9000 conduit is rated at 14x faster than the old 600Bd T-4000. Quite an improvement! Plus it's self cleaning. When the Rf, or "roach factor" reaches 9.75%, autowhisks are activated that sweep the roaches out into the Void. Pretty cool. They just sort of *p* into nonexistence."
In response to outraged demonstrations on the part of Interdims for the Ethical Treatment of Subsentients, Zmärtärse quipped: "Well, if IETS wants zillions of these roaches all over their office, they're welcome to them. But we're capping the conduit regardless."[PB]